The Grapes of Wrath Part III: Juicing and Grape Popsicles

Okay, I am officially over these grapes!! As I am certain that you, my gentle readers, are over them as well. This represents my very last post on the subject. Until next year’s crops come in that is. So I’ll make this brief and to the point so we can all move on to bigger and better things!

When I close my eyes at night I have flashes and visions of grapes washing over me. They have it in for me I’m sure of it. The more I harvest, the more I find. They are multiplying and hell-bent on taking over the world! All that stands between you and total grape global dominance is my tenacious efforts to eat them in multiple forms before they overpower and crumble governments.

I am the man on the wall and your last hope for grape free salvation!

Last weekend I enlisted the aid of the lovely Nury to help take out a large portion of the grapes evil troops. She held aloft the giant bowl of power as I hacked and plucked with great fervor and determination. The strain from the shear weight of these fallen soldiers was almost too much for her to bear. Yet she held fast!

The plan of attack was to pull the life giving juices out from the harbingers of grapey destruction leaving nothing but food for the worms and the despairing cry of thousands of fallen grape warriors.

In other words, we made juice.

Not sure why I felt the need to add so much drama, but there it is regardless. If you require some more backstory in case you’ve arrived here directly via the mysteries of the interwebs, check out this article and this article. Then you will better understand why I’m over the grapes at this point.

The juice needed some straining in cheese cloth that was purchased after this photoshoot, which explains its heavy sediment. Having this grape pulp added too much bitterness to the juice for my liking, but once it was strained it was crazy good.

The popsicles were made by adding a mixture of water and sugar to sweeten them up. I’m sure there’s a fancy culinary name for that mixture, but damned if I know it. A sugar reduction maybe (edit: simple syrup)? Either way, they were also very refreshing.

I also had a sneak peek into the upcoming concord grape harvest as one of the bunches began ripening way earlier than the others. I’m sure there’s a name for this as well. Now there’s a grape I can stand behind! I haven’t had a decent concord since I moved to SoCal fifteen years ago. Like an old friend. I can’t wait for the rest to come in.

So now I’m through more than half of the Niagara grapes and am taking orders for all friends and families and neighbors in the local vicinity to come and harvest the rest as I am, like I said, officially over all things grape related! See, that wasn’t too long and drawn out now was it?

The Grapes of Wrath Part II: How to make Homemade Raisins in the Oven

“and in the eyes of the people there is the failure; and in the eyes of the hungry there is a growing wrath. In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage.”
― John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath

In my backyard, there is no hunger growing for lack of grapes. I am riddled with them beyond all reckoning. Now I’m nowhere near ready to hire out migrant workers and there are no worker camps set up in the vacant lot next to mine, so perhaps things are not as dire here as they were in Steinbeck’s classic work. But I can’t steal his title without a shout out. Wouldn’t be polite.

In the eyes of this urban farmer, there is no room for hunger or wrath. There is a growing sense of panic, however, as my bazillion bunches of grapes begin to ripen all at the same time. Check here for more grape emergency details. Myself, my friends and my chickens have eaten their fill already and we can’t even put a dent in the vast amounts of grapes that are ready to go. TODAY!

One friend suggested I make raisins out of them, so on Sunday I gave it a go. Now typical raisins are made from Thompson seedless grapes, but I don’t have those in my yard. I have Niagara grapes, which are also seedless but a little bit smaller. Any seedless variety will do, but even grapes with seeds can be made into raisins. Albeit crunchy raisins, but the seeds are loaded with heart-healthy nutrition.

The Niagara grapes produce a tart raisin that reminds me of a tastier and more wholesome Fruit Roll-up. Or Fruit Leather, if you’ve ever had that. They’re actually quite yummy and better yet, will last for years as long as they’re kept in a dark dry place. I’m storing mine in some mason jars, but I doubt they’ll last more than a few days on account of how fast they are going now.

Regardless of what grape you decide to use, the steps are the same. I don’t own a dehydrator, so this will be the oven method. You can even let the sun dry them out, but it takes a lot longer (several weeks) and you run the risk of insects, mold or something that resembles a raisin but is not. If you follow. Poop for those not paying attention. The controlled environment of your kitchen seems to me to be the smarter and faster route.

Another thing that helps when preserving fruits or berries that have a waxy skin is to blanch them. That means soaking them in hot water for about 30 seconds and then placing them into ice water right after that. This causes splits and cracks in the skin and allows for a more even dehydration. Here’s how I did mine, step by step with fancy schmancy photographs of each step.

Step 1: Get yourself some grapes. Duh.

How to Make Organic Raisins 01b_Niagara Grapes
1/500th of my total harvest of Niagara grapes.

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The Grapes of Wrath…and Cool Shade.

The bounty is upon me gentle reader. I am bursting at the seams with seemingly boundless grapes. I am like a lazy Roman in a toga lounging poolside as hand maidens feed me grape after grape. Except I have no more hand maidens. Stupid unions.

This visual has given me a flashback to a portrait I took in college. About a million years ago. To be more specific, this one.

Chris as Nero
My oldest and bestest friend, Chris. Who will of course forgive me for shamelessly posting this old photo on Mind Your Dirt. I hope.

Apologies Chris for posting this. Although, I have always mentioned to my models that at the end of the day, the photographer retains portfolio and display rights. So…

Just as an odd segue, if you’d like to see a completely outdated website with some photos and published illustrations by me, here is the link. Just be forewarned, there is some subject matter that may not be suitable for children. It’s “art” people so there’s some creative leeway. Also, the political cartoons were paid commissions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. Although many do. Only the ones that don’t make you angry. You have been warned! Also, the reason I stopped working on this Wix site was the general shabbiness of its smartphone app, so use your desktop to see all the drawing etc. Sorry.

Okay, back to the grapes. As I always seem to do, I apologize for the digressions.

Continue reading “The Grapes of Wrath…and Cool Shade.”