Mexico City: Mind Your Dirt Goes Abroad (Part II)

[part one]

After a harrowing and treacherous journey to Mexico City, I awoke in my hotel bed with ambitions to go right the hell back to sleep. No rest for the wicked however as this very well may be my only free day in Mexico City to explore and get my museums per diem worth out of this work trip. The fast and loose plan was to get my ass up to the top of a pyramid come hell or high water (both of those are shitty options though).

But my mind and body were weary from the two days journey previous so the first order of business was to track down a cup of mud. Which I did in short order and with several attempts at explaining what a hammerhead is to a Spanish speaking barista. Once that was “solved” and I got some watery gloopy caffeine drink stuffs, I began to actually look at where I was.

My hotel was direct next to the Plaza del la Constitución which is a massive square surrounded by unbelievably beautiful buildings. In the center of the square was one of the most impressively large flags I’ve ever seen. I took this short video to give you the scenery and sounds so that we are both on the same page. The Mexico City Metropolitan Cathedral provides the backdrop.

I kinda wish that video was a little longer, but you get the idea. It was at this moment when it all began to hit me. I was in Mexico City, one of the largest cities in the world.


With a new found energy, I rushed back to the hotel to meet my boss for a hugely sub-par complimentary breakfast. Hooray? We made a plan to contact the front desk and figure out the best way to get to Teotihuacan to see some pyramids. They saw us coming a mile away. Stupid gringos to be placed on a tour van for 10 hours and driven all over Mexico City visiting many glorious sights and even more glorious gift shops by a driver with greased palms and a sketchy motive. In hindsight, we should’ve just taken the bus. Continue reading “Mexico City: Mind Your Dirt Goes Abroad (Part II)”

Mexico City: Mind Your Dirt Goes Abroad (Part I)

 The weather was mild and the visibility was fair. The ancient Airbus A300 was sluggish and she listed slightly to the right when at full throttle. The stick was muddy too, like stirring a viscous porridge. The 3:30 AM sky offered no light save that of the flashing runway. It was then that my copilot’s heart failed from some form of poisoning.

The sweat formed on my brow as my white knuckled hands grasped the stick in hopes that I can bring this bird back to earth and survive to tell the tale. Fear not dear reader. For I will be your humble captain. It wouldn’t be the first time and wont be the last…

Continue reading “Mexico City: Mind Your Dirt Goes Abroad (Part I)”

Night of the Living Jasmine

[in the voice of Vincent Price]

From dark and chilly depths of fetid yet well fertilized and mulched dirt, the beast reaches deeply into the abyss in search of evil nutrients and minerals of ill intent. Its sickly sweet scent fills the air mockingly, as a warning of what horrors await the gentle passers by. With icy tendrils reaching to the heavens that will no longer accept it, the cold grip seizes all that tread near.

Not only a grip to grasp maidens hair or heroes well coiffed mustaches, these skeletal fingers seek something more profound; your very soul. Move verily and hastily to safe quarters, dear traveler, for ye are beyond the safety of home and hearth!

The jasmine is among us!! For tonight belongs to it. The night of the living jasmine!! Mwahahaha!!


Just in time for Halloween, I have a tale of pure gardening horror and danger. But as with all tales, one must begin…well…in the beginning.

My plan was of noble and simple origins. To sweeten the air entering my bedroom with delicious jasmine flowers. Here in California, the winds are almost always blowing from the West to the East off of the ocean. When I was house hunting I brought along my trusty compass to make certain that sun and wind will be positioned to my favor. So, if I plant a jasmine vine by my back door where the breezes always waft into the house, I’d have my own natural air freshener. Genius right? Yes, yes it is.

What I failed to anticipate was how viney vines are. I began training this vine properly, but as it rose up columns it began to get away from me as I had nowhere to secure it above the columns. I thought I’d tackle that issue as it arose. Well, dear reader, it has risen!

And then some! It began reaching out in all directions to the point that I couldn’t exit the house without getting a face full of reaching tendrils. Some of them tipped with creepy crawly things! I had a friend record a typical day for me to show you. Here I am passing by the vine…

As you can see, something needed to be done! My thanks to Craig T. Nelson for coming over to help me out. And a special wag of the finger to Taylor for not chipping in and cuddling with that weird little blonde girl! Bad Taylor! Coward!!
Continue reading “Night of the Living Jasmine”