Keep Portland Weird: A note from my doctor regarding my writing hiatus

My dearest readers, what can I say about my recent prolonged absence from Mind Your Dirt other than I am sorry? You most likely fall under one of two categories; either you’ve been chomping at the bit for another post, or didn’t even realize I was gone. If it’s the latter, then disregard this post. If it’s the former, a thousand apologies.

You see, I took a small vacation with my lovely lady, her twin sister and her twin sisters’ boyfriend to sunny, warm Portland, Oregon. It actually was both of those things, on the day we arrived it was a blazing 102° with cloudless skies. Not the cool relief from SoCal that I was hoping for. At all.

In fact, I was a bit pissed off by the whole affair and am of the right mind to write Portland a scathing letter! Another shocking discovery was the fact that everything was brown, dry and dead all over the city. It appears that this gods forsaken drought will follow me everywhere I go.

I was assured (by the friends that we were visiting) that it was abnormal and seasonal, but it left a bad taste in my mouth and I found myself, once again, face to face with my inner monologue of “unsustainable!”

I was hoping to find a moist and lush garden oasis to cool my scorched soul a bit before the real heat of the summer hit San Diego. But those first few days afforded me no such luxury. Look how happy we are about it!

Portland Trip_Instagram photo 01

Lovely huh? We decided the best plan of action would be to walk around downtown during the hottest days while our skin blistered and wept; and then save the cooler days walking on forest trails and dipping toes in cool waters. Smart huh? No. It wasn’t. here’s a few lovely city sights…

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My Recent Fine Art Acquisition…of Dog Portraiture!

Okay, admittedly, I am one of those dog owners that takes things a little too far. Mind Your Dirt has forced me from the shadows of social media for the sake of self preservation and achieving readership, posterity and valor. Occasionally I abuse this “power” to shamelessly promote the awesomeness of my pup Sasha or the general cuteness of my chickens. It is in this vein that I share with you a recent commissioned piece that I just received from an artist that you haven’t heard about. Yet! Keep a watchful eye out for the work of Joyce Oder. She’s an up-and-comer and so talented.

Several months ago I heard through my many grapevines that she was taking on commissions and having seen her drawings in the past I couldn’t resist tossing an idea I’ve had floating around my crusty noggin for a few years now. I’ve always wanted a portrait of Sasha and I in a classic turn-of-the-century pose and attire. I imagined a lovely old-timey portrait hanging over a mantle in my imaginary library. Not your typical commission request, but that’s me all over; atypical.

So, in your minds eye, picture a giant red velvet curtain parting to reveal this beautiful and odd gem…

Me and Sasha the Husky Lab
Lord and Lady Gielow in a whimsical repose.

This very well may be the best money I’ve ever spent and will bring me years of happiness. It will also serve to further the ridiculousness of my life. Now I just need a fireplace and a library to hang it in! One step at a time.

Succulents Before Swine

There are two swine in this story. This cute little planter and myself. You see, I suffer from that typical male character trait of never truly knowing what to get as gifts for my loved ones birthdays. My caveman brain has trouble thinking beyond simple manly gift ideas that women can receive and have a genuine warm smile that will remain when I’m out of range. My stupid and useless caveman reptilian brain. Here’s an illustration of it working at maximum capacity:

Caveman Brain
Jim’s Brain at Maximum Capacity.

My loved ones are very kind and can fake happiness so well when my well-intentioned gift idea is presented to them in a clumsy and unsophisticated manner.

Don’t even get me started on cards. I have no idea why they are important and even less of an idea as to what makes a card a good one. When I receive cards, I don’t know what to do with them at all. And why do we keep cards? What’s their expiration date? Our reptile mind can’t grasp this whole industry. This perfectly sums up man’s thoughts on cards…

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