As it was foretold in the ancient scrolls, my little “hobby” of raising backyard chickens is slowly but surely turning into a full on addiction. And as any addict would, I just scored another fix. As soon as it hit my coop, I could feel the warm release course through my veins.
This must be what William S. Burroughs felt like…every day of his life (that lush).
My small handful of egg customers is continually clamoring for their own fixes. In the form of the weekend scramble. These cats are hip to the health benefits of organic free range eggs as well as the tastiness. They can dig it man (Shout out to Chacho and Becca).
So I thought it best to up the production schedule just for them. Not for my addiction. Nope, totally selfless activities going on over here. *ahem*. You buying any of that?
I’ve also decided that I should create a fancy new official Mind Your Dirt Excelsior Class Egg Carton™ to help sweeten the deal. Here is the first prototype.
I spared no expenses in the ridged stress testing and prototype structural integrity testing. Mind Your Dirt scientists worked around the clock for countless milliseconds of analysis. The proper shade of green was achieved by collecting different algae from the greatest depths of the seven seas and carefully separating the proper rhizomes to create the perfect dye.
That, or I ordered them online. I can’t recall which is the case. Regardless, I am taking steps to increase my egg output and in doing so have employed the efforts of these two fine hens to chip in. Which is what brings me to your humble Interwebs doorstep this fine morning.
I’m not selling anything, and just need a moment of your time. Is your wife or husband at home? Perhaps they would also like to hear what I have to sell…er, I mean say.
Welcome to the official Mind Your Dirt Name My Hens Contest™!
We will be selecting two winners, one for each hen named. The grand prize for the two winners will be…the satisfaction of knowing that I will be yelling these names while in a bathrobe running like a maniac around my yard trying to herd these energetic little bastards!
Second and third place contestants will be awarded the semi-satisfaction of knowing that they almost won first place! Double and triple huzzah!
Sounds to good to be true? No. No it doesn’t
Basically, I simply want my readers to be a part of my grand experiment in urban farming. That way we will be connected beyond the flashing screen and unified in animal husbandry bliss.
That said, here are the little beasts to be named:
[Insert name here] is a plucky yet shy little Rhode Island Red. She enjoys poops on the straw and relaxing with a good snail on top of my head. When she gets older, she hopes to work as a part time model. But she really thinks she should keep her day job as she enjoys the dental benefits.
[Insert name here] was hatched in the fires of hell and raw untamed passion. This Black Sex Link is a mix between the Rhode Island Red rooster and the Barred rock hen. She enjoys openly defying the Master of the farm and has no time for being confined in her run. She can officially fly higher than any of my adult hens and is begging for a wing clipping. When she grows up she plans to be hell-bent on global domination while sporting a stylish pantsuit.
So the challenge has been laid before you. Contest rules are simple: there are no rules. Simply leave your votes in the comments below and I will read each one aloud to these chicks and see which ones they choose. Good luck everyone!