The Case of the Egg-Sucking Possums

When my egg production starts slowing down it typically means that there’s a predator afoot scaring my girls. When production is down AND I begin finding cracked eggs in the laying box I know who the culprit is. Pleasantly plump possums probably pilfering and plundering.

As of the day of this writing, I have captured three fat and shiny egg-filled possums so far. The first one ended up killing poor Telsa last year! Knowing Tesla, she spazzed out, flew off her roost and accidentally started a fight to the death with not-too-cute-but-kinda-cute possum.

Here’s the only footage my security camera got before I logged in and accidentally pointed it downward…

I trapped that fool that very night! And despite the blood of Tesla still floating around my saddened melon, I did not seek justice. The possum was just being a possum. I was also impressed how silky smooth and shiny it was! Months of nutritious and easily-procured eggs had gone a long way to make THE healthiest possum I’ve ever seen.

So I decided to re-home the fat beast. I did so in the cover of night (about 3am I recall). Thinking that I was surely breaking some law or another I thought it prudent to hide in the shadows. Let the darkness wash over me.

It wasn’t until I had another intruder recently that I actually called The Humane Society and asked the question in my best “anonymous citizen” voice. Turns out the agent told me to do exactly what I did anyways. As they are a native species, there are no laws governing relocation and local canyons are the best spots to do so. It’s also best to do before sunrise if you can so they have a little time to get adjusted before the heat and light of day. I opted on transporting her into a fancier neighborhood than my own. Cuz, screw those entitled pricks. Joking (not joking).

I was alerted to her presence when I noticed at 10pm all my hens were out of the coop and having fits in the run. I quickly closed the coop door to block any escape attempts and made my way to the laying box. She was literally in the egg laying box slightly reclined with a half of an eggshell in one hand and her other on her belly. I shit you not! Like Nero, reclined and satiated, she seemed almost off-put by my flashlight and interrupting demeanor. “Can I help you ape?”

The video above tells the rest of her story so I shan’t bore you with double details. I will say that the one thing I noticed was how young she was. Knowing that possum litters are typically large in numbers I just know that there are many siblings in the general area.

I decided it wise to reset the trap the next night to see if I can catch any brothers and sisters. Not two nights later I caught this fuzzy fella. Mind you, I’ve no idea as to their actual sex. They just gave me a male or female vibe is all.

His sibling was a much calmer possum than he was. She didn’t hiss or gape once during the the entire catch and release. I credit slow movements and a light cooing sound when I was moving her. This fella however was a little bit gapey, but no hissing at least. Pro Tip: you can change the negative tone of the fear-gape digitally when you add a little pizzazz to it in the form of wavy text…

I took him to the same spot as his sister. I’m positive that there will be more coming so I’ll keep re-setting that trusty ol’ trap of mine. Maybe they’ll have a sweet family reunion and exchange tales of eggs of yore.

As of this week, all then hens have been laying normally again which tells me that night time visits have slowed down enough for them to feel safe again. The butt nugget factory is in full production mode again.

I also went into the neighboring property as the weeds were taller than me back there and I thought I may find a burrow or three. I decided it would be prudent to cut back all that growth so there isn’t such a cozy and well-hidden highway into my bountiful oasis. Plus at night I can better patrol the perimeter if I remove some cover.

I left some spots for little critters to hunt, hide, and bang in. I’m no monster after all. But now there’s a patrolable perimeter and good sight line for me and my dog.

I wanted to share this story so people know that there are options that don’t involve killing an animal for doing what comes natural. Possum are far more beneficial than they are troublesome. They eat ALL the ticks! They are also the only marsupial we have here. That’s pretty neat.

You don’t have to mean or homicidal with unwelcome guests, you just have to be smarter than them when it comes to protecting your flock.

But that’s just, like, my opinion man.